You, The Beloved One

Dear Beloved:

You said you don’t like being called “beloved” because you don’t feel loved at all. In fact, you feel discarded, rejected, abandoned, not good enough.

Of course you do, and it’s completely understandable that you feel flooded by all the negative emotions and thoughts right now. This is the way trauma impacts your deepest sense of self. The relationship that is supposed to be the most intimate has been ruptured by infidelity, betrayal, and addiction. The person you thought was your “best friend” has become your betrayer. The wound goes deep and it cuts to your core.

Unfortunately, if you have experienced any past traumas either in your childhood or prior to this relationship, old scripts like “you are not enough”, “you are not worthy of love”, or “you are damaged goods” will probably replay loudly in your mind right now. You might wonder if you were the problem to all the harm that has been done to you. In fact, many trauma survivors believe that “if I only…, then….would not have happened.”

Oh dear one, the truth is that your belovedness has nothing to do with what you have done or what has happened to you. Your worth is not defined by your past. Your belovedness is not dependent on what others think of you or even how you feel about yourself. Someone said once that “Belovedness looks like the tender love of God for each of His children”. Can you imagine bursting with joy when someone looks at you with so much love and delight? Think of it as a seal of love placed on you the moment your heart begun beating. You did not earn it, nor can you add to it. Others may try to defile or rob it, but nobody can take it away from you. You are utterly and unconditionally loved for being you.

Let’s take a deep breath and allow that truth to sink in for a moment. How comforting and terrifying it is to be the BELOVED! Comforting to know that Love has always had you in mind, and terrifying to risk opening your heart again to uncover this treasure within. What do you notice in your body right now as you begin to embrace your belovedness? Is there a slight release of tension, a sigh, a more relaxed fist? Be gentle with yourself and simply acknowledge what you are experiencing. Even when past hurts and negative thought patterns try to haunt you, it’s okay to admit that healing could look like small moments of awareness and acceptance of who you truly are. Sometimes seeking out professional help for the traumas you have faced could be the next brave step for you.

Dear beloved one, when you have a chance, take a look at the stars at night. Even when they are not always visible to our eyes, millions of stars shine and light up the sky. Just like each star, you are dearly loved even when your light seem to have been diminished or snuffed out for the moment.

May the twinkling lights remind you of how precious and loved you are, even in the darkest nights.

Cheering you on,

Coach C.