The Imaginary Island: The Flight Response

Dear Beloved,

You said you wish you could run away. All this trauma, all this pain, it’s just too much to bear.

Did you know that when sexual betrayal happens, you are being thrown into a state of trauma?  To help you survive, your body will find a way to respond to the stress either with fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Even now, as you are seeking healing and facing the pain, the memories stored in your nervous system can often feel too overwhelming, leading you to want to "run away" (Flight response).

I want to share a poem with you from “Sandy” called “The Imaginary Island”.

The Imaginary Island

I want to run away to the Imaginary Island

Far far away

Where time is slow

And shame is gone

Where breathing is easy

And ugly memories don’t follow

I want to run away to the Imaginary Island

Far far away

I can’t stand the pretense in the air

Can’t take one more ounce of shit

I am so drained

If only I could go

To that beautiful Island

Feel the breeze

Lay bare

Forgetting all my cares

I think I would be

Okay

Just staying there

Beloved, can you identify with Sandy's overwhelm when the trauma of betrayal feels like too much? Did you notice that in her imaginary island, her breathing was easy, her shame was gone, and she didn't need to pretend? While it's understandable to want escape from the chaos and pain, it's also important to increase your capacity to feel safe in your body.  Dear one, what creates more safety and stability for you when you want to run away? What are the people, spaces, and practices that support you when you feel like giving up? Try these small ways to regulate your emotions like deepening your breath, drinking cold water, or taking a warm bath, and notice if you feel more soothed. You are worthy of tender, loving care, especially when you want to run away.

With you,
Coach C.