Thankful after Betrayal?

Dear Beloved:

You asked me, “How can I be thankful when I’m struck by this awful trauma of betrayal?” “I’m barely surviving, I hate my life, and I can’t think of anything to be thankful for.”

You make a good point and you are right. Betrayal trauma is awful and you don’t ever thank the evil in your life. Your husband’s affair shattered you and your trust. Your ex damaged your sense of reality with his gaslighting and secret sexual acting out behaviors. Even with everything you have given in your relationship, you feel blindsided by his betrayal. It truly is awful!

And I’d be the last person to tell you to find the silver lining in this. No, not even for thanksgiving, sorry!

What I believe is in naming what is evil AND holding what is true. While I have no doubt that much growth and healing can come out of this, I will never say that the betrayal itself was a good thing. 

So, on this Thanksgiving, I am inviting you to consider what is true. What, besides the pain and wounds, are also true about you? I can name a few for you because I see them in you.

I see your courage in reaching out for help when you realized “this was too much”.

I see your compassion towards others on this journey, caring and praying even when your own heart has been shattered.

I see your strength in doing your best as a mom, wanting to shield your children from the harm you all have experienced.

Dear one, take a good look at yourself for a minute and see what you find. What would you say to your battered and beautiful soul? How about your crushed and resilient spirit? And to this weary and faithful body of yours that has kept you alive and going in spite of the trauma, would you tell her a sincere “Thank you”?